Have you ever gone through some of life’s challenges and felt like you were alone in them? Sure, people knew that you experienced a breakup, or that you had a miscarriage, or that you were losing a close family member to cancer, or even that you were weathering financial difficulties. Yet when you came to church each Sunday, or showed up in the office day after day, or even went to a neighborhood party, everyone skirted the issue, chitchatting instead about the weather, their child’s rash, or the sporting event they attended the other day.

Their reasoning was understandable: they didn’t want to bring up a sensitive subject or make you feel sad, or – horrors – feel uncomfortable themselves when you burst into tears at their question! Best just to avoid the painful subject altogether and act like everything is hunky-dory, right?

The reality of this problem came home to me when, while scrolling through Twitter/X, I came across the following post:

This woman’s idea was underscored several hours later when a more prominent individual – Liz Wolfe from Reason Magazine – agreed, noting that she wished more people would ask about the infant son she lost several months ago:

I’m certainly guilty of such avoidance, because, let’s just admit it, it’s awkward to specifically ask people how they are doing regarding situation X or Y. But in avoiding such awkward, painful topics, we not only do our grieving friends a disservice, but we also miss out on a chance to build community, expand our knowledge of humanity, and equip ourselves to deal with future sorrows of our own.

In November 2025, a poll from the American Psychological Association found that 54% of American adults felt isolated. Now, there are many reasons why people can feel this way – our lack of neighborliness and other community structures being two that come to mind – but I would submit that our inability to get beyond superficial conversation topics is a major contributor to isolation that we often overlook.

Asking an individual a question about a hidden grief enables us to reach a deeper level of friendship. As the X posts above show, such questions indicate personal interest in an individual. They show care for a hurting friend. And they also create opportunities for greater connection with others in the broader community, for when one friend uncovers the hurt heart in another, he can bridge the gap between that person and others who may have similar pain or experiences. And the more these connections happen, the less isolated we all will feel.

Secondly, in going beyond the surface and specifically inquiring about the hurts and challenges of our friends, we humanize one another, which is increasingly rare in the world of social media where threats and attacks often provide more clicks than caring concern. Most of us are downright sick of the vitriol thrown around today, so why not break the cycle and reach out with real care and compassion – in person, not online?

Finally, when specifically asking others about their silent griefs, we prepare ourselves to endure the sorrows that will enter our own lives. First, we teach ourselves that we are not alone in trials. Seeing our friends and acquaintances go through suffering builds experience that helps us avoid a pity party when we suffer later in life. But reaching out to others in their time of crisis also causes those same individuals to want to reciprocate the favor, providing an automatic system of mutual support.

Writing in “The Problem of Pain,” C. S. Lewis noted:

I was never fool enough to suppose myself qualified, nor have I anything to offer my readers except my conviction that when pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.

Let’s have the courage to reach out and show human sympathy to those going through suffering by genuinely asking about their griefs, for in doing so, we pass along a reminder of the love and comfort God offers to each weary one who comes to Him.

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This article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.