As a mother, I’ve always tried to do what’s best for my children. I trusted our pediatrician implicitly, believing that his advice was rooted in unquestionable medical expertise. However, the events of 2020 forced me to confront some uncomfortable truths about the medical care my children had been receiving.

For years, I accepted without question the reassurances about vaccine side effects. “If your child has a fever, a sore arm, acts foggy and confused after a shot, that just means the shot’s working,” they’d say. Or “You are such a lucky mom today because I know with young kids you’re exhausted and don’t get a lot of rest, but after your child gets their shots today, they’ll take a really good nap.” These statements, which once seemed comforting, now strike me as manipulative.

It wasn’t until a conversation with a friend who chose not to vaccinate her children that I began to question the concept of “wellness checks.” Why were we calling them wellness checks when vaccines were always administered? What is the purpose of wellness checks? Why did my friend only go to the doctor when her kids were sick?

The pressure to conform to medical recommendations was intense. When my children were due for the HPV vaccine, the doctor asked, “Don’t you want to be a good mother and prevent your child from getting cancer?” This emotional manipulation made me feel guilty for even considering doing my own research.

The disparity in care quality became glaringly apparent when we switched pediatricians in the fall of 2021. Our new doctor performed thorough sports physicals, checking every joint, reaction time, eyesight, and discussing important health issues like concussions. This comprehensive approach was a stark contrast to our previous experiences, where the focus seemed to be solely on vaccine compliance.

Looking back, I realize how the medical system infantilizes parents. We were given handouts listing adverse events but never encouraged to discuss them critically. The implicit message was clear: You’re not smart enough to understand, so just trust us.

Even the advice to give Tylenol for post-vaccine fevers now seems questionable. If a fever is a sign of the immune system working to rid the body of toxins, wouldn’t suppressing it be counterproductive?

Perhaps most tellingly, our doctors never took the time to explain basic concepts like the difference between bacteria and viruses or how viruses mutate over time. This lack of education left us ill-equipped to make informed decisions about our children’s health.

As I reflect on these experiences, I can’t help but feel that the pediatric care system has prioritized compliance over genuine wellness. It’s time for a paradigm shift in how we approach children’s health—one that empowers parents with knowledge, respects their concerns, and focuses on holistic well-being rather than just ticking boxes on a vaccine schedule.

My journey has taught me the importance of asking questions, seeking second opinions, and trusting my instincts as a parent. While I still believe in the value of medical expertise, I now understand that true health care should be a partnership between doctors and parents, not a one-sided dictation of terms.

As we move forward, let’s advocate for a more transparent, educational, and collaborative approach to pediatric care. Our children’s health depends on it.

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Image credit: Unsplash