The Best Jokes of the Week on Twitter

“#tbt when mom was a little much” – Instagram post, 2046 pic.twitter.com/r8edvwtgKf

— Josh Patten (@thejoshpatten) July 14, 2017

I don’t get dressed up to go on dates but I did just smooth out my shirt as I passed a cute dog

— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) July 18, 2017

love that someone keeps trying to add a “cyberbullying activity” section to my wikipedia page

— joe mande (@JoeMande) July 15, 2017

Feeling nervous about the pilot on my flight. He looks 12, has braces, plus there’s a “STUDENT FLYER” sign on the top of the plane.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 10, 2017

A funny time to fart- right after Steve Harvey yells “survey says.”

— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) July 19, 2017

It feels like every rural relationship is a Dateline waiting to happen.

— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) June 6, 2017

Current mood pic.twitter.com/1F38Uwvmuo

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) June 19, 2017

Today I was in a rush so I wore underwear still damp from the dryer. Friends, it turned out ok. Gratitude – pass it on.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 20, 2017

wishing zits would stop airbnbing my face

— Jamie A Lee (@TheJamieLee) July 11, 2017

Batman’s an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade

— rob corddry (@robcorddry) June 13, 2016

Hey @colbertlateshow. The @tictac you gave me in gift bag fell between my counter & refrigerator. Please replace & send extra $. Thanks. pic.twitter.com/Hcz3zgnZ4p

— Todd Barry (@toddbarry) July 21, 2017

Why will you be watching #gameofthrones tonight? pic.twitter.com/IqNCkfP97s

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 16, 2017

a guy just skateboarded by me with a pizza at 830 am & i’ve never proposed marriage so hard

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) July 21, 2017

Dear Satan, thank you for making sure that whichever ink jet cartridge replacements I order are wrong.

— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) July 18, 2017

Just heard on TV, “I get death threats too. I just don’t talk about it.” #Humblebrag

— Paul Scheer (@paulscheer) July 3, 2017