A friend of mine recently relayed the story of how her daughter asked why she couldn’t get her ears pierced like her older sister. “Well, she’s more responsible,” was the gist of my friend’s reply to her daughter, “and when you learn to be more responsible, you can get yours pierced too.”

Lo and behold, that same little girl has suddenly grown very responsible, striving to behave, do her chores, and work toward the prize dangling in front of her at some future date.

Many of us would likely chuckle and dismiss this little incident as an amusing story. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it represents an important concept that our society increasingly overlooks: rite of passage.

Several years ago, the idea of “adulting” and the decided lack of it entered common discourse in our culture. Indeed, young adults – even those well past age 21 – applauded themselves on social media when they stepped out of their comfort zones and did challenging tasks that were considered the realm of adulthood, such as paying bills, grocery shopping, or changing tires on their cars.

Such interest in acting as an adult, although commented upon with a certain tongue-in-cheek attitude, had a ring of truth to it, showing that the younger generation had never really grown up. Many of us scoffed at them for this, but in retrospect, one must ask why they were unable to grow up. Could it in fact be that they were casualties of a culture which had discarded rites of passage?

A rite of passage, philosopher Roger Scruton writes, is something which offers “the transition to difficult and previously forbidden things.” It passes along “moral knowledge” to the next generation, preventing them from “remain[ing] savage,” while taking them “from emotional isolation to full and answerable membership” in society.

Essentially, a rite of passage helps the youngest members of society transition to ever greater responsibility, capability, and knowledge.

“Why are rites of passage important?” Scruton asks. “We have abundant scientific knowledge of our world and technical mastery over it. But its meaning is hidden from us. We have knowledge of the facts, and knowledge of the means, but no knowledge of the end.”

In other words, rites of passage are important because they teach us how to navigate the world with understanding and insight, striving toward the end goal.

What, then, is the end goal of our lives as humans?

C.S. Lewis provides an answer to that question in his “Reflections on the Psalms,” saying: “The Scotch catechism says that man’s chief end is ‘to glorify God and enjoy Him forever’. But we shall then know that these are the same thing. Fully to enjoy is to glorify. In commanding us to glorify Him, God is inviting us to enjoy Him.”

Given this explanation, one can’t help but wonder if we’ve fallen away from these all-important rites of passage in society because we have lost sight of the end goal: glorifying and enjoying God.

Consider the typical rites of passage society once had. One was leaving school and holding down a steady, wage-earning job, something directly related to God’s glory as He created work and commanded man to subdue the earth and have dominion over it.

Another rite of passage is marriage – an institution also directly related to God and his glory, picturing the relationship between Christ and His Church, as well as the act of making a new family entity as a man leaves his parents and is joined to his wife.

A third rite of passage is having children, which brings glory to God by fulfilling His command to be fruitful and multiply.

Yet we’re failing at least two of these three traditional rites of passage. Indeed, marriage rates have seen a steady decline in recent years, with many putting marriage off until much later in life. Many have also noted the decline of birth rates and the delayed age of women giving birth in recent years.

Recent months have seen numerous efforts to restore interest in these rites of passage – yet increasing numbers of young people still show declining interest in marriage and children. Could it be that today’s young people are not interested in “adulting” practices because they don’t understand the deeper meaning behind them – because we have erased their connection to the Divine from our culture for so many years?

A childish society is one in which chaos and irresponsibility prevail. If we want to avoid such a society, then perhaps it’s time to purposely reincorporate more rites of passage – both big ones (like marriage) and little ones which gradually lead to marriage (like pierced ears, doing chores, and other steps toward greater responsibility) – into our normal culture. But in order for those rites of passage to stick and make a difference, we first must help young people realize the meaning behind them – and if we are to do that, young people must first have a love, respect, and understanding of the God who established those rites of passage in the first place.

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This article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal. 

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