Despite differences in customs and circumstances, the rhythms of home and family life have remained remarkably unchanged in much of Western history.
The Roman paterfamilias joined his family for their daily meal, told stories he’d heard on the street or from Rome’s history to his children, and worshipped the lares, or household gods, at the tiny altar in his home. The 19th century American farmwife living on the banks of the Missouri River put food on the table when her family gathered for supper, read to them afterwards from the Bible or that new novel by Charles Dickens, and with her husband, helped lead evening prayers.
In good families, such activities helped people young and old become physically healthy, better educated, and better schooled in morality and virtue. Just as important, these regular gatherings bolstered family bonds and were the heart of a home.
In turn, the family and the home are the soulmates and foundation of civilization. This is what Ronald Reagan meant when he said, “All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”
But what happens when the family rarely gathers for dinner or gets together only infrequently for some mutual activity? What happens when the family fails to promote virtue, whether through a religious faith or otherwise?
The family becomes weaker, and so do those foundations of culture.
To help our own families and our country grow stronger, we might start by imitating the past.
Make Mealtime Special
Back in the Stone Age – that is, before television invaded the American home – families of all social classes generally took their meals together. Over the last 30 years, that practice declined considerably, though the good news is that plenty of families still gather for evening meals.
Our harried circumstances, such as two working parents, soccer practices, and ballet lessons – account for some of this decline. Television and smartphones also lure us from the dining room table to a sofa and a solitary meal, yet for several decades, experts have pointed out the benefits of shared mealtimes, especially for adolescents and teens – things like higher academic performance, reduced chances of depression, and a healthier diet.
Best of all, meals taken together are one of the most powerful means by which we can nourish the bonds of family. Putting away our electronic devices and sitting down at the same table is an easy way to make this happen.
Storytelling & Time Together
Fairy tales, folk lore, sagas, and more were entertainment for our distant ancestors. With the revolution in print, books became less expensive and more accessible, and by the 19th century many families spent some evenings in the parlor or before the fireplace, reading aloud from works like the Bible, the novels of Charles Dickens, or the poetry of John Greenleaf Whittier.
With the advent of radio and then television, stories were still part of the evening fare, but this time the family was the audience, not participants. In the last few years, smartphones have added yet another obstacle to shared books and stories. The “audience” is all too often an audience of one, so that family members aren’t even sharing the same TV show.
Sarah Anderson mourns the steep decline among parents reading to preschoolers in her article, “The Most Important 15 Minutes of a Child’s Day Are Disappearing.” Those numbers dropped from 64% in 2012 to 41% today, a record low. Despite evidence collected over years showing the positive effects of reading to youngsters, many parents now say they themselves don’t enjoy the activity. Anderson then lists the benefits of reading aloud, one of which is another building block in creating a strong family: bonding and trust between parent and child.
There’s a broader lesson here. The more time we spend together, whether it’s a read-aloud, planning next summer’s vacation, or talking about some news of the day, the more we add positive energy to our family dynamic.
Bring Faith and Virtue into the Kitchen
The Romans had their household gods and altars. Nineteenth century families had their Bibles and devotional time. We should to aim to follow their example.
Online searches reveal dozens of suggestions on ways to bring faith into your home, from family devotions, to reading some sacred text aloud before suppertime, to praying for friends and family members. When the kids ask questions about God, pause to answer them thoughtfully and with care. Make faith a part of daily life, as ordinary and normal as any other routine, and you bring goodness to your family.
When we do these things in a right and cheerful spirit – breaking bread together, setting aside some family time, bringing worship into the living room or kitchen – we make our homes brighter and warmer, and strengthen the family.
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The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.
Image Credit: Grok
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