It’s Monday, March 27, and tomorrow evening I’m having supper with a trad-wife and her trad-husband. It’s really a trad-family, with four little ones, ages 7 and down, receiving a trad-childhood. The meal won’t be trad—the trad-wife is quite the gourmet chef—but this trad-guy, who is me, will enjoy it no matter what. We’ll say a trad-prayer over the food and then dig in.
Okay, I’ll stop.
After recently discovering that trad-wife was an online trend, I brought up the term in a conversation with a friend who had no idea what I was talking about. In case some readers may also be in the dark, trad-wife is short for traditional wife, meaning a married woman who stays at home, doing the laundry, raising the kids, perhaps teaching them reading and math—that 7-year-old with whom I’m dining has already read her way through the Little House on the Prairie books—preparing meals, paying bills, and much more, all while her traditional husband is the family’s breadwinner.
The fact that some women want to be trad-wives and make a home for their husband and kids has aroused controversy and scorn in certain quarters. If you search online for “is tradwife derogatory,” a variety of opinions pop up. Some people defend the movement while others relate it to white supremacy and sexism. One article opines, “The TradWives debate is a new and effective recruiting tool for the growing intersection between toxic masculinity and white supremacy.” If this criticism is just and accurate, then a number of young mothers I know must be goose-stepping fascists, which is clearly absurd.
In “There’s a Growing ‘Trad-Wife’ Trend That’s Making Feminists Furious,” Brandon Morse writes, “For feminists, this trend is dangerous because it invites a return to the sexism and racism of old.” As a result, Morse tells us, “The media is acting as if this is a contagion that needs to be suppressed and destroyed ASAP.”
As Morse then explains, however, the women who choose to live as stay-at-home moms in a traditional marriage aren’t demanding that all other women follow their example. They simply want to exercise that right promised 50 years ago by feminism: the right to a choice over whether they stay home or not.
So why, Morse then astutely asks, are some people so upset by this trend that they find it threatening. He delivers this answer:
“Because men, for the most part, love the idea of a traditional wife, and for many young women, being in a committed relationship is one of their heart’s greatest desires. If they find out that this is what men like, then they’ll begin the process of making themselves into more traditional women.”
Morse ends with this paragraph:
“But there is no denying that traditionalism when it comes to homemaking has a particular magic to it that seems fulfilling. Men love being breadwinners and having loving, caring wives. Women want to feel safe, provided for, and admired. The nuclear family scratches all of these itches and traditionalism seems to intensify the validation for a growing number of women.”
So, do all women possess the exact desires and emotions Morse describes here? Of course not. But those who prefer to be wives, mothers, and homemakers in the traditional sense should have the liberty, free from the insults and aspersions cast by their peers, to pursue their lives as they see fit. To demand that “a woman’s place is on the job” is no different than insisting “a woman’s place is in the home.” The hypocrisy here is self-evident.
For all of you women who choose the traditional role of wife, mother, and homemaker, cheers to you. You are the backbone of the family and America. And to all the young women and men out there feeling alone for wanting a traditional life, I’ll leave you with some words from Intellectual Takeout’s former editor Annie Holmquist to ponder:
“Has our culture made it so impermissible for men and women to hold traditional gender roles that no one wants to admit their tendencies toward them and their desire to find a partner who shares those same ideals?”
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Image credit: Pexels
3 comments
3 Comments
Mikko
March 31, 2023, 12:07 amWell put Jeff. We are a variation of the Trad Fam. My wife and I are both college grads. Have been married over 50 years and blessed with 12 children (all biologically ours, no twins). My better half worked occasionally outside the home, but was a devoted mother and homemaker. Now retired, we split our time between the peoples
REPLYRepublic of MN and DeSantis World when not visiting our children and 40+ grandchildren (so far). Thanks for your work and Keep Pushing Back!
Thor
March 31, 2023, 5:10 amLike many things now, you have freedom of choice only if you choose what those who have appointed themselves the deciders agree to allow. Like you Jeff, I had the trad-wife and trad-life, with productive and well-adjusted children to show for it. I lost my trad-wife to illness, and later married a lovely lady who works, and embraced her productive and well-adjusted children. She loves me and my children, serves up gourmet meals, keeps a great home (and I do a lot to share the burdens), and she chooses to work. Her choice. Good for her and good for us, but she respects those who have chosen the "trod-track". The attacks on tradition are shameful. Those who do not have it cannot attain it, so they try to tear down what they should honor. Thanks. And keep it up.
REPLYKalikiano Kalei
March 31, 2023, 1:56 pmThere is a certain harmony in reverse 'toxic femininity', Jeff. I have been a life-long appreciator of the Confucian-based culture of the Far East and early on in my life I determined that if I ever married, it would be to a woman of Asian persuasion. Eventually, although rather later in life (aged about 40), I met my wife, who is my first and last marital partner. There were numerous interesting and notable circumstances therein. First of all, coming from another, totally different heritage, it was easier for her to accept and adjust to my distinctly eclectic tastes and outlooks (I am far from the 'average' male prole). Second, her cultural background enabled her to adjust easily to the 'traditional' biological role of wife in a society (America) where shrill, highly emotive radical (toxic) feminism was quickly 'fem-forming' our society in its progressive, idealised form. However…despite her Asian origins, in addition to being a well-educated and capable woman (who was raised to appreciate and value learning), she was also a highly trained professional communications engineer. Thus, we established a very stable, mutually supportive and, I might add, HIGHLY complementary relationship that has lasted over 35 years to date. Marrying an Asian woman does involve mastering a rather demanding learning curve, to be sure, but our love and respect for each other FAR transcends the shrill 'je acuse' charges of 'yellow fever' that so many radaical young female Asian activists are so fond of leveling at white men who seek out and marry Asian women. We also elected at the onset to eschew having children, being well aware that America was rapidly becoming far too toxic an environment in which to raise healthy, well-adjusted children. We have never regretted the practicality of that decision as both the complexity of life and the abysmal American educational system continue to degrade terminally. It's been an interesting and immensely fulfilling life together, Jeff, and I don't regret one single moment of it, for after all, isn't a 'loving, productive partnership' in an uncertain world truly what it's eventually all about? As usual, a nice article on a very salient subject, Jeff. Thanks very much for stimulating our collective brain cells. Aloha nui loa!
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