It’s no secret that today’s men are less masculine and today’s women less feminine. In the age of transgenderism men are increasingly afforded the opportunity to become a cheap imitation of a woman and vice versa.

A traditional woman on the dating scene is wont to opine that all the men are shriveling pushovers who shudder at the thought of responsibility and commitment. A traditional man may complain that all the women are having abortions, voting for Democrats, and freezing their eggs so they can sleep around in a way indistinguishable from the most promiscuous of men.

Resentful caricatures aside, both sides of this story are largely correct. The problem is, both sides are often dishonest about how much they themselves demonstrate the crisis of the modern male or female. In other words, the man who craves a traditional woman also expects a woman to help him make 50% of the household income, while the woman who wants a traditional man takes it as a personal offense if she’s expected to actually follow her man’s leadership in any substantive way. Thus, the man looking for a traditional woman is passed up by the actual traditional woman because she sees him as another limp-wristed male feminist, while the woman claiming to hunt for a traditional man is never asked out by the actual traditional man because he sees in her the kind of cultural feminism that animates most of her sex.

It’s a conundrum that baffles the mind, but one upon which future generations depend.

The lottery in life – or rather, providence – often places traditional men and women together in harmonious marriages that demonstrate the beautiful way in which the polarity of the sexes must work and build together. Should a traditional male or female read this, and should he or she wonder how to increase his or her chances of finding this needle in a haystack, I would encourage this person to first stop looking for the perfect spouse and then start working on becoming the kind of spouse this hypothetical perfect man or woman would want to marry.

Indeed, masculine attracts feminine and vice versa. So, traditional gentleman, the traditional woman you seek is probably on the other side of a lot of personal growth and refinement. The same is true for the traditional woman.

Here’s what this could look like practically. Men should have a stable job that either could currently or in the future support both himself and a wife comfortably. That means no fulltime garage bands or YouTube channels from mom’s basement. Have a future that a traditional woman would want to follow.

For women, it means cultivating domestic skills, which are a lost art today. No need to become a Michelin-star chef, but perhaps you should skip the DoorDash to your apartment a few nights a week and cook something in your kitchen instead. Hold your friend’s baby. Develop a good cleaning routine in your current place. All these domestic skills can be developed after marriage, but if the idea of learning them before marriage sounds demeaning, that may indicate that you are not the traditional woman whom the actual traditional men seek.

Another aspect of becoming a more traditional woman is simply in looking like one – dress in your unique style but also dress well and in a feminine way. Additionally, wear a decent hairstyle. No need to fit a cartoon mold of a trad wife (that’s a very good way to attract only the fake traditional men); instead, care about how you look, because your future husband very much does.

If you spend much time online, where the trad bros and the feminists constantly finger point and shriek, it can be shocking to hear that the solution to the problem of modern dating is to fix yourself. Yet it is the first step, and really the only step you have any control over.

You cannot actually “fix women” or “fix men” simply by tweeting or podcasting. And marrying a pseudo-feminist in the hopes of fixing just her/him is a high-risk gamble to take. What you can do is make sure you are the best version of yourself you can be so that the women or men you really want are likely to want you.

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This article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.

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