Something has made itself completely at home in American culture. It doesn’t look dangerous. It doesn’t usually feel malicious. Most of the time, it seems like normal conversation. And we’ve all participated in it more than we’d like to admit.

It’s gossip.

If I’m being charitable, I don’t believe most people gossip out of cruelty. After all, it’s easy. It fills silence. It can create a sense of closeness.

But there’s a reason it’s so common today. It’s easier to talk aboutsomeone than to talk tothem. Most people aren’t confrontational by nature. So, instead of addressing an issue with the person in question, we talk around him. And the damage is done slowly and quietly, one conversation at a time.

Gossip Destroys

Proverbs 16:28 puts it this way: “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.”

Gossip corrodes trust and friendship. The separationto which the writer of Proverbs alludes doesn’t come all at once. It happens in stages: A story shared here; a concern raised there. A small detail passed along that was never meant to leave the room. And somewhere along the way, a relationship that once had real depth, sincerity, and trust is destroyed.

If I had to convert the wisdom of Proverbs into an aphorism, I’d write: If someone is willing to gossip with you, they’re willing to gossip about you.

Gossip poisons every well that it’s poured into, whether friendships, family dynamics, work relationships, or mere acquaintances.

And yet, we live in a moment that practically rewards it. Cynicism is the cultural default. Negativity travels faster than encouragement. Social media has converted the idle trading of information into an industrial operation, and we’ve carried those habits into our homes, our workplaces, and our churches. What was once a private conversation, sealed by the confidence of those involved, has now become fodder for public scrutiny.

Defeating Gossip Once and for All

The antidote isn’t complicated, but it does require intention. Before passing something along, it’s worth asking a simple question: Does this help the person it’s about, or does it harm them? Most of the time, the answer is obvious.

“Don’t use foul or abusive language,” the Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 4:29. “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

That’s a very high standard. It doesn’t mean we avoid hard conversations. It means we have them with the right person, in the right spirit, at the right time, and toward the goal of restoration rather than merely relieving our frustration or discontent.

We have a real opportunity right now to push back against the negativity that is defining our cultural moment. Not in a loud or dramatic way, but in a quiet, daily choice to speak well of people when they aren’t in the room. Of protecting rather than exposing. Of encouraging rather than undermining.

It’s easier to tear down than it is to build up. That’s why criticism and irony are so common. But to build something up – choosing to be kind, sincere, and protective of another’s reputation every single day – that’s the real challenge.

Our culture doesn’t need any more critics. We have plenty of those. Now, we need builders, those willing to rebuild the cornerstones of a successful culture: honesty, sincerity, honor, and trust.

We can’t change our culture by lamenting what we dislike. Instead, set a goal to say something kind to at least one person per day this week. That’s how we change our culture for the better.

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This article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.

Image credit: FreerangeStock