Journalist Rebecca Reid recently responded to the news that homesteading influencer Hannah Neeleman was expecting her ninth child with the following comment:

You cannot give nine children adequate time, attention and connection. You are, unquestionably, with nine children, spending less time with your children than a working parent with two kids.

Reid’s response reminded me of a comment I received at a dinner party shortly after I moved out of my childhood home. Hearing that I was one of 10 children, a fellow guest flatly asked me, “Did you ever feel like your mom didn’t have enough love to go around?”

What this person didn’t realize is that far from cheating me out of love and attention, my siblings were the best part of my childhood.

The contention that a mother’s love is anything but bottomless is completely ludicrous to the point that it barely deserves refutation. Yet most arguments against having more than a few children – including the above comment by Reid – are more logistical. Mothers and fathers cannot, it is argued, have enough time, attention, or emotional bandwidth to give each child the childhood they deserve. The following reasons call this belief into question.

First of all, as writer Peachy Keenan pointed out recently on X, mothers of many are mothering children in various stages of life and levels of need. While a teenager may need more emotional connection and life advice, a toddler needs more physical protection and closeness. These varying levels and needs do make for a busy and full life, but a manageable one, nonetheless.

Second, the value of sibling relationships in large families cannot be overstated. These relationships exist most vividly in the younger years between siblings close in age who become each other’s constant companions and playmates. But there is a special dynamic that grows with age between the youngest siblings of the family and the oldest siblings of the family. Older children learn to deal with and care for younger children, and younger children are gifted with an overabundance of older people loving them. Upon reaching adulthood, these children will have more family members than just their parents to look for advice and encouragement.

Arguments like Reid’s above show that we look at familial love with a scarcity mindset. Trends on social media – such as those where mothers opine guiltily that their firstborn is about to lose out when the second is born – underscore this mentality. This must stop. These young mothers should instead be encouraged that they are giving their child the greatest and most loving gift they could give them. It’s simply not true that families have a budget of love that is used up after a certain number of children enter the picture.

Another misconception that plays into this mentality is the idea that socialization only takes place outside the home. Yes, non-familial friendships and community are incredibly important, but is the manufactured environment in which most childhood socialization takes place – the classroom – really more successful than a home where children interact with parents and multiple siblings? In school, children only interact with a handful of children their exact age and hardly anyone else. In a big family, however, teenagers interact with newborns and middle schoolers interact with toddlers. In my own experiences with large families, I’m always amused by how many traits the younger ones pick up that are well beyond their years thanks to their constant socialization with young people 10 years their senior.

But what about the other way around? If we force a high schooler to deal with the toddler tantrum of a younger sibling, interrupting his homework in the process, do we take something valuable from his own development and childhood?

Parents should be careful not to offload the actual parenting responsibility to their older kids. But we should also recognize that such interactions teach teenagers to be wonderful moms, dads, coworkers, bosses, and homemakers themselves as they exist in an environment requiring them to step beyond their comfort zones and personal wants. In a big family, everyone learns to share their time, attention, and favorite toys by necessity. Siblings are less likely to grow up with the entitled attitude that they are owed peace and tranquility continually.

One final thing to consider: Not only does love multiply in a large family, but the children do as well. And once the older kids move out and find spouses, the cousins and grandchildren that result are an added delight and joy. Believe me, the mother of those many children has no difficulty finding room in her heart to love the many grandchildren who she will enjoy in her older years.

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This article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.

Image credit: Unsplash