“Just wait ‘til the honeymoon phase wears off.”
“Just wait ‘til you have kids.”
“Just wait ‘til he starts crawling.”
“Just wait ‘til she’s a toddler.”
“Just wait ‘til you have another one.”
“Just wait ‘til they’re teenagers.”
These, and other similar “just wait” statements, are all too common in small talk or discussion with young people. It’s a popular habit to exhibit when in conversation with those younger than oneself: announce that they ought to wait until some further milestone is reached, and they will then see how difficult their station is. That is the stated or implied follow-up to each of the sentences above: “Just wait … and you’ll see how hard it is; just wait, and you’ll regret your choices or attitude.”
There are several things about this way of thinking and speaking that are wrong, or at very least, unhelpful.
For starters, just-wait-ism is profoundly discouraging. If a young couple has that newlywed glow, someone is sure to think or say that the bliss of their new estate will wear off when children come along, or when financial troubles try their union. If a young mother like myself rejoices in the freedom that comes with staying at home or the sweetness of her relationship with her child, someone is sure to quell her joy by thinking or stating that some development she has not yet experienced will utterly overwhelm her. If a young child is tender-hearted and well-behaved, someone is sure to respond to such a blessed sight by thinking or saying that the looming teenage years will completely reverse the child’s attitude.
Just-wait-ism discourages the hope and joy that are natural to those in a new and exciting life stage. It does so by pronouncing the reality of future hardship, but also by implying that such future hardship is a reason to refrain from joy. To repeatedly declare “just wait” with that knowing half-smile that suggests, “I know more than you,” is like telling someone who revels in the beauty and abundance of the harvest time that, because winter is coming, they should quit smiling and feasting.
Certainly, winter is coming. It’s coming for all of us in that there are always unknown challenges ahead. But that reality does not necessitate the conclusion often implied by just-wait-ism: that one should not rejoice in the harvest or, for instance, in the newborn bliss. The reality of future hardship should not lead us to mourn, regret, or refrain from joy – after all, as St. Paul commands us, we are to rejoice in all circumstances, whether they easily lend themselves to rejoicing or not.
Just-wait-ism is premised on the idea that the young and inexperienced are foolish, particularly in their joy. Young and inexperienced folk most definitely can be foolish and naive, but their joy is a beautiful and fragile thing. Those who are older and more experienced should be careful not to – wittingly or not – crush such a tender joy by their words or attitude.
Those who believe that life is a good thing, that marriage is a good estate, or that children are a gift ought not only to “rejoice with those who rejoice,” but actively to encourage the joy of those who are new to such undertakings. To do the opposite – to discourage the joy of those in such undertakings, whether passively or actively – is to suggest that marriage and family and life are in fact not good gifts from God.
This does not mean that we should be unrelenting idealists and refuse to acknowledge reality. That is to err towards pie-in-the-sky-ism – which is the opposite of just-wait-ism, but still inappropriate.
To acknowledge and rejoice in the truth – the truth that winter is coming, and still the harvest is good – is a harder task than either idealism or pessimism, but it is the task to which we are all called.
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The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.
Image Credit: StockSnap
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