The recent Trump-Musk altercation has brought bucketloads of commentary from both the left and the right. Their public feud has paved the way for everyone to leap into this phone-generated fracas of snark, one-liners, and denunciation. They gather round this brawl like kids at a schoolyard fight, with some shouting encouragement, others laughing as punches are thrown, and one or two standing at the back of the circle wondering when the teacher will show up, grab the two boys by the scruff of the neck, and shake some sense into them.

Yet none of the pundits I’ve read have drawn what seems to me an obvious point from this melee, namely, that this fight between Donald Trump and Elon Musk is just one more example of the rudeness, tantrums and unreason governing our digital age. The world’s most powerful man and the world’s richest man punch and counterpunch, using insults for fists with little apparent attention paid to consequences or decorum. Bring a dispassionate eye to this scuffle, and we find some valuable takeaways applicable to our own lives.

First, the Trump-Musk falling-out is just one more indicator of an age in which emotions dominate reason. Take any public issue from the last four years – illegal immigration, men in women’s sports, inflation, the DEI policies of universities and corporations – and public opinion, legislative actions, and even courtroom rulings are driven by feelings rather than by facts or logic. Far too many of us shout over our opponents rather than listen to them, hurling the word-bricks of accusation rather than engaging in dialogue.

Moreover, many people have embraced rage as a tool for change. Ranting and raving, they ignore the historical warnings about the dangers of blind anger. The first word in the “Iliad” is menis, or wrath, and that Homeric epic becomes a treatise on the destructive nature of violent anger. Nearly three thousand years later, Thomas Jefferson advised, “When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, an hundred.” Unfortunately, many people these days don’t bother counting at all.

In tandem with these two trends is the demise of courtesy. Here the old saying, “One bad apple spoils the whole barrel,” comes into play. A trifling example of this decline occurred the other day when I asked a clerk if the store in which she worked carried picture frames. “I have no idea,” she snorted. Though I walked away, her ugly, impolite response left a sour taste. Like the flu, discourtesy is infectious.

And here is one place where Trump, Musk, and so many of our other public figures – members of Congress, entertainers, sports figures, other celebrities – do our culture such a great disservice. Because of their station in our society, they are trendsetters, providing the rest of us with a roadmap to manners and the treatment of others.

Richard Nixon’s presidency provides a fine example of this ripple effect. When the White House tapes became public during the Watergate investigations, the raw language of those conversations shocked many Americans. Presidents and their advisers simply didn’t talk this way. Today politicians and celebrities routinely toss off those same vulgarities in public, as do many of the rest of us in ordinary conversations on the sidewalk and other public places.

We all recognize the negative effects of social media on our treatment of one another. The exchanges between Trump and Musk added just one more stone to that growing mountain of electronic incivility, though with greater ramifications. What if the president and the entrepreneur attempted to settle their differences in private rather than making them public? Did they put the good of the country ahead of their desire to fire away at each other through their social media platforms? Available evidence indicates otherwise.

These three serpents – the replacement of reason with emotion, the violent public or private tantrums to try and get our way, and the decline in the last few decades of long-practiced civility – poison discourse on all levels of society. Whether it’s the riots in Los Angeles or a refusal to speak to a relative because of some online political post, that powerful venom is at play.

Bishop of Winchester and Chancellor of England William of Wykeham (1324-1404) took as his motto “Manners makyth man.” William’s words remain true today, with manners encompassing our behavior, conduct and treatment of others.

Too many of our political and cultural leaders, that class some call “the elite,” a phrase that should only be uttered with tongue firmly in cheek, have failed to pass the manners test. If we wish to Make America Great Again, whatever our politics, let’s begin at home by polishing up our conduct and our courtesy. By that effort, and that effort alone, our self-improvement may act as an agent of change in a debased culture.

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The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal. 

Image Credit: Flickr-Gage Skidmore, CC BY-SA 2.0