Feminism doesn’t hold the same power it once did. Women are increasingly asking themselves if they really can have it all, like the ’60s promised, and if they even really want it all. As a result, we’re seeing women walk away from the disillusionment of corporate lifestyles and a resurgence of “trad housewives.”

But women are also questioning what feminism actually fights for. For example, research shows that most women are happier in marriage. So why does feminism seek to tear that down? And most women don’t thrive in fields dominated by men. So why push them there?

Conservatives are rejoicing at this shift, but a conservative faction – sometimes termed as “rad-trads” – does more than rejoice. They proclaim housewifery to be the only place for women, resulting in yet another problematic, skewed vision of feminine fulfillment. In their rejection of feminism, they fail, just like their sworn enemy, to offer a substantive understanding of women.

Anti-Feminism Is Pro-Woman

As a woman in my late twenties, I’ve never ascribed to the feminist movement. In fact, I’m a proud anti-feminist. I’ve seen very little except damage in the aftermath of each feminist wave, and I know it won’t get any better.

Women, for all their equal rights and dignity, are by nature, different from men and the world would be much better off if we all accepted that. But feminism refuses to do this. They consider difference to be injustice and seek to “empower” women by masculinizing them. Feminine qualities are criticized, not elevated, while manly traits are the ideal.

I’m not surprised. I don’t believe feminism began with good intentions, yet it garnered traction because women have suffered unjust treatment through the centuries. Female circumcision in Africa, forced abortions and sterilization in China, or stoning as punishment for being raped in the Middle East are just some of the historical horrors that still exist. Yet the injustices feminists choose to tackle revolve around nude women’s marches and equal pay for Hollywood celebrities.

Unfortunately, rather than focusing on real injustice or offering a good solution, feminism attacked the familial structure, seeking to replace it with discrete individuals of radical independence. Feminism leaves no place for a woman to be a woman. They hardly know how to define womanhood anymore. Sadly, the opposite extreme doesn’t seem to know either.

The Trad Problem

Recently, I watched a rad-trad video featuring a wanna-be alpha male parading under the guise of masculinity, proselytizing to women everywhere the horrors and sinfulness of feminism, attacking and tearing it down, but offering no alternative to “boss-babe” except for “silent wife.” His own wife was allowed to talk since she agreed with him, but they explained womanhood only insofar as what she can offer a man, rather than the beauty of femininity that can exist in other walks of life.

This couple is indicative of a growing movement on the right. They all claim to argue from history, but that history seems to only go as far back as the 1950s. They suggest that the ideal wife has zero functioning brain cells, a vapid sex-doll look in her eyes, and the willingness to be maid, chef and baby-machine all rolled up in a perpetual sundress. She’s not a helpmate in the marriage, and true shared purpose, dignity or companionship seems lacking.

Yet that couldn’t be further from the historical truth. Historically, men wanted strong women, ones who could help bring about the life they both envisioned. Frontiersmen and pioneers, for example, needed wives by their side who could weather the insane struggles of unsettled territory. Farmers needed wives who could help tend the land and weren’t afraid of hard work. Women needed to know how to birth children, stave off illness, and more – all of which required just as much creative problem-solving as was required from men.

Thus, it seems that the mistake the rad-trads make is that they ignorantly hold very modern premises, equating work to paid labor, viewing womanhood through feminist cliches, and using ideological extremes to make broad-strokes – all while failing to take into account socio-historical contexts.

I wonder if they have lost sight of the forest for the trees. They’ve allowed their hatred for feminism to obscure the issues at hand, making for a sad worldview that would be a miserable lifestyle for both men and women. Ironically, the exaggerated and untrue trope used by feminists to advance their ideology ends up being the same one these rad-trads have raised up as the feminine ideal. Meanwhile, rad-trad males are a self-fulfilling prophecy, becoming exactly what feminists accuse all men of being: controlling, chauvinist, and narcissistic.

Womanhood is Motherhood

All women are called to mother – to nurture, bring love and growth – to those around them. Of course, not all women have biological children, nor must they, to be a true woman. The maternal spirit is not always literal but is intrinsic to female nature. It’s a role of creativity, strength, empathy, and endurance, all marking the heart of femininity, and should be actively encouraged.

Unlike what either extreme says, feminine women are strong. Their strength looks different from masculinity, but it’s neither a sign of injustice or inferiority. A woman’s strength is enduring and patient, the bulwark quiet that keeps others steady and afloat in painful storms. There is no greater strength than selflessness, which is a cornerstone of femininity. Birthing labor itself is the physical expression of the strength all women exhibit: life through sacrifice.

Sadly, both sides have also turned these quiet strengths of docility and meekness into insults. But docility fosters attentiveness – the ability to witness the details of reality around oneself precedes the artistic impulse, the addressing of physical and emotional needs, and the consideration of love. Attentiveness is the seed of creativity, another hallmark of womanhood.

While docility helps one perceive, meekness helps one know what to do with it. Without meekness, there would be no understanding. It’s the internal courage and calm willing to face the pain, anger, and love of other humans that allows for deep relationships. Meekness goes hand-in-hand with receptivity. To receive and connect with the people in our lives, we must be at ease internally. Meekness allows us to empathize and nurture those around us without falling into unhealthy codependencies.

In the ongoing debate over feminism, let’s remember that feminine virtues are not confined to motherhood, nor are they inhibited by it either. Both extremes are too focused on asking what a woman should do rather than how a woman can become more integrated, whole, and flourishing.

A woman’s femininity should be celebrated and embraced, and if women are encouraged to deepen their natural virtues, women will find their God-given place in the world.

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The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal. 

Image Credit: PickPik