In “The Soul of Civility,” Alexandra Hudson makes a sharp distinction between civility and politeness.

Politeness and manners are the form, the technique, of an act, but civility is more. … Instead of focusing on the form alone, civility gets to the motivation of an act. Civility is a disposition that recognizes and respects the common humanity, the fundamental personhood, and the inherent dignity of other human beings. In doing so, civility sometimes requires that we act in ways that appear deeply impolite, such as telling people difficult truths or engaging in civil disobedience….

In the days after an assassin murdered Christian and truth-seeker Charlie Kirk, thousands of online posts, many of them vile and obscene, celebrated Kirk’s death. This antipathy ran all the way to Capitol Hill, where 58 Democrats in the House voted against a resolution honoring Kirk, despite its nonpartisan language. Slurs delivered by a few of these representatives revealed that they had never listened to anything Kirk said.

Given the prevalence of similar attacks and smears over the last 20 years, and if we accept that civility entails a recognition of the personhood and dignity of our fellow human beings, then it is safe to say that civility in the United States is dying.

Tragically and ironically, the man who was murdered for his words and opinions was an exemplar of civility, even when “telling people difficult truths.” Kirk became best known for his visits to colleges and universities, where he engaged in dialogue with those who deplored his conservatism and religious faith. His “Prove Me Wrong” approach brought a fresh wind to campuses across America, allowing for a civil exchange of ideas that should be the beating heart of a republic.

So, what now? Kirk is gone, and with him one of America’s strongest champions of free speech coupled with respect and courtesy. How can the rest of us help bind up our nation’s bleeding wounds of civility?

As so many of his mourners have suggested, we can begin by following in Kirk’s footsteps. In an essay on her Substack, for instance, Peachy Keenan urges her readers, especially the young, “to be more like Charlie. We need to mint more Charlies. An army of Charlies.”

Agreed. Our culture needs more young men to become husbands and fathers like Kirk, more men and women who live by a faith in God rather than by a faith in government.

Here are five more modest suggestions for a restoration of civility.

First up is the realization that changing others may be beyond our powers of persuasion, but we can change ourselves. We can refuse to be goaded into anger. We can think before we lash out at some friend or relative on the other side of the political divide. Staying calm and collected in the face of abuse is a difficult but not impossible task.

We can clean up our language. It should appall us when Megyn Kelly, an articulate woman with class, frequently drops the F-bomb on her talk show. Podcasters, commentators, and the rest of us can restore a sense of civility to any discussion, national or otherwise, simply by abstaining from obscenities. Let’s leave the smut to our opponents.

We should speak the truth, but as a handshake rather than a hammer. Bludgeoning people with facts and stats, no matter how true they are, will likely either offend them or drive them away. If we’re looking to make friends and converts, we should follow the old adage, “Honey attracts more flies than vinegar.” We must guide people to the truth rather than kicking them from behind.

Before speaking, and especially before posting some comment online, we should take a deep breath and consider whether we’re advancing both truth and civility. This doesn’t mean we must roll over out of niceness or beat a retreat under a bombardment of bombast and falsehood. It means instead that we must engage adversaries as human beings and treat them with as much respect as possible even while advancing our own ideas.

Finally, when we have the chance to stick up for truth and right, we should breathe a prayer of gratitude that we live in a country where free speech and argumentation are still possible. Whether our verbal combats are waged with family members, friends, or in some public arena, we should be thankful we possess that key ingredient for liberty, the freedom of speech.

To sum up, we can best defend and promote truth as if it were steel encased in the velvet of civility. Once we strip that steel of its covering, we risk becoming as debased as our opponents.

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The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.

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